holding back

This semester has been a rollercoaster. Scratch that, this entire year has been. I came to college not really sure which path I was going to take. I got plugged in with a great ministry but still I was living for the world. I didn't want to live for God. I wanted my life, I wanted my own decisions, I wanted selfishness and sin. I didn't want to feel like I missed out on anything so I put my plans above God's. This semester has been a life changer. I've been humbled but recently I've found myself falling back into it again. I've been giving things up to God but still holding on to a tiny bit of my life. I got to the point where I just couldn't submit completely because I was too comfortable, too safe. I was taking a trust fall but taking a step back at the last possible second because I'm too stubborn to believe that He has a plan that is so much better than anything I could imagine. I don't want that anymore. I can't do that. God, take this all. I'm giving it up. Finally. The way I should have at the very beginning. I thought I had but three months later I'm back in the same place. No more. Separation has to finally start, completely. I'm sorry for holding out. I'm sorry for being so selfish it makes me sick to think about. I know you are faithful so it's time for me to live like I know that. Giving up on destructive things of the world isn't easy but I can promise you it's worth it. 

2 Corinthians 12:8-10 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.